Webpage

Today I saw a photo taken on main campus posted on NC State’s facebook page. The scene in that photo was leaves in green, red and yellow colors, so dynamic. I felt guilty for having not paid a visit on the university’s website for more than one month. While I was browsing what new souvenir is available in the bookstore, I received a message from the Suzhou girl asking when I can visit Suzhou.

“Maybe mid-January, but I am not in a good mood.” I wanted to avoid making any promise.

“Do you still care about the one who does not care about you? Christmas?” she asked.

“You are right. Maybe January 1^st.” I still wanted to skip any promise.

“Christmas is more romantic.” I thought I understand what she means. I should have told the Suzhou girl that Christmas is not a romantic day. I am in trouble because I could not resist her request and I want to date another girl recently.

This afternoon, I just sent an email to a student we just met yesterday to ask where I can have a good time in this shitty city. At the end of the meeting she said I can invite her to watch the movie. I had good impression on her in our first chat in my office so I would like to take advantage of this opportunity for forgetting my advisee. But I found I still had feeling on her.

On Monday, after class I met her in the coffee shop, the only real one in this city. She explained why she didn’t come to see me for over one month. Although she had lost my trust, my heart melted when looking at her. We told a lot regarding with her papers, my job, the plan for my future career and something I couldn’t remember.

“Are you still going to the conference in New York?” she asked.

“Yes, I will.” I said.

“Then my visa…”

“I will let the assistant to ask that for you.” I thought I was fooled again by her face and voice.

They said she is taking advantage of me, but I am not a righteous man either.

棋子

又是一個雨天。研究室的氣氛仍然如此沉悶。

他告訴我這件謠言。只是謠言，但對照這學期的情況，我選擇相信了。不能否認，有忌妒的成份，但更多的是不解與氣憤。

No Holiday

Today is so called "Holiday" for people in this country. To me, today is a weekday. I entered the office as usual, and didnít work much as usual. Around 8:30 pm I went back to the apartment. It was locked at 11:00 pm. People can't get in and go out, just like a jail. 

Tough Start

I had been returning to my works for a week. Today is the date of the first seminar. I was about 5 minutes late, but it took a while to catch up the topic. The slides projected on the screen were yellow, and the slides were not careful made, especially the tables with some words in strange shapes. Later we were informed this was a job market talk. Because this topic is not my field, I didn’t bother to any comment unless I was in the recruiting committee.

After the seminar, just like it used to be, with the guest we went to the on-campus hotel for a dinner. Although there were so many deluxe dishes, the tastes were never amazing. Each dish was either salty or spicy. I found most of my energy had run out while eating and listening to what they were talking. The dinner lasted two hours; however, I felt it was like lasting three hours or longer.

It was 8:30 pm when I came back to the office on old campus. I continued to find a way to extract a variable from a data file. I had spent a few hours today trying Stata and R. No solution found. Finally I came back to MatLab, the one I haven’t used for one year. Because of wasting so much time on the awful internet, it was 10:00 pm when I figured out the way and installed software necessary for running MatLab. Due to the lack of both intellectual and physical proficiency, this was the first time I thought I am getting old.

This was just the first week. It can be expected that there are more difficulties on the way. What else can I do other than praying?

Dreaming a Reality

The stay in Raleigh was memorable. In the morning I woke up, then prepared a simple breakfast, and drove to school. The routes were familiar. No miss in anywhere I should make a turn, stop, and change the lane. The work a day started in the study room, the library or the office. Occasionally, the time was flying away when I had a chat with friends. Sometimes we exchange ideas, sometimes just for fun. In a month I live like a student.

Talley Student Union, was called Talley Student Center

A Long-Awaited Reunion

The flight was delayed for five hours. When waiting for the aircraft being fixed, there was a flash moment in my brain telling me why I don't cancel the trip if applicable. Thankfully, I didn't do that and the airline wouldn't allow to give the refund. So I am here, in Raleigh.

The First Meal

Get caught between the East and the West

The trip to Chicago was quite disappointed. Everything is good in Chicago city except the never-ending cold wind and the traffic control due to the gun fight and car chasing. The problems were from me and my colleagues. I had no opinion about the schedule, and one of the colleagues had too many opinions. It was supposed to have an easy trip when someone else made the schedules. However, it was not easy if the schedules totally centered on the maker. For example, in an outlet I would get phone calls to ask me back as I was in a different store. I didn’t know visiting what stores were written in the schedules. This trip reconfirmed my viewpoint, to know a person travelling with him/her is a shortcut. This is also a good way to filter a potential partner. Now they know I am like a lonely wolf in the wild, and I know I won’t share a trip with someone in this group again. Before the trip ended, I had been imagining the trip to Raleigh this summer. No matter I am alone or accompanying with someone, the latter one must be much interesting.

Field Museum

Museum of Art

Museum of Science and Industry

Shedd Aquarium 

Hot or Cold, Red or White, Hell is Hell

Rinaldo had gone, in the Valentine’s Day. I was shocked. He texted me that his stomach hurt and felt depressed via Skype on Thursday afternoon. On Saturday we were informed that he passed away on Friday morning. There are too many that I’d like to know. However it is impossible to find the answers. What I can do now are to help his family close the loose ends here and think of those moments we share.

The so-called coffee shop between two banks outside the south gate was the first place he had dinner in this country.  Later it became the place where both of us have our late dinner. Its food sucks. We went there because it was the only restaurant open after 8:00 pm around old campus. I noticed he ate slowly and always skipped soup when having a fried rice combo. Most of the time, I had already had my dinner. I accompanied him because I understood how difficult was for a foreigner to live here. It might make him more comfortable for being together with another one like him.

I never thought I could go to a KTV for the first time in my life because of him. He himself wanted to see how the KTV looked like in this country, but he told Joyce that I wanted to see it. So she found one and I could not refuse the invitation.  Actually I was a little angry at him. To revenge, I called American students out for dinner in his name later. That night, together with Rhi and Emily, we had a wonderful moment. He sang very well; and I was like a dumb. That was really a joyful night.

His office was empty. Maybe it was because he was always absent and had not decorated it with small appliances and books. When he was present, he stayed long in it for a day. At night, his office was quite faint. There was only a desk light turning on. The heartbreaking letter I received said he was covered by loneliness and the fear a couple of days before he was taken. I can imagine his mental condition fell into a dark and void space that his office was not comparable.

The very last moment we shared is in the tailor’s shop. He had been looking for a tailor for a custom-made suit. Since a student found a tailor’s shop for him, we had visited it several times. I was the translator who interpreted his tons of requests to the tailor. He was very demanding. He bought a few yards of fair fabric from Kyrgyzstan, but wanted it to become a designer suit by less than $50 dollars of labor cost. He checked each detail to make sure it was as close as the one in the referenced photo. Until the last time I saw him, the suit had not been completed.

I reminded him don’t forget to claim his suit the night prior to my short trip to Hangzhou. By the West Lake, I wished him had a nice winter vacation and Christmas in his home country on the phone. This was the last time we talked.

I was envious that he was always popular with girls because of his handsome face and gentlemanly behavior. How could I foresee he pass away in front of his girlfriend on Feb 14^th? Now I have one more reason to dislike the Valentine’s Day.

Getting out of Jail

Jan. 15th - Jan 20th, 2014

I looked at my passport, trying to remember the story behind each stamp. The four-hour flight was boring. People on the airplane were noisy so that I stopped.  Why do they travel in groups? They don’t know how fun it is to travel by oneself? The airplane arrived Aomori at 5 pm, 1 hour late due to the heavy snowing. During this period of time when snow covered the whole county, no one but Taiwanese tourists was interested in this so called “north country”. For me, this was a place close and easy to go breathing fresh air, feeling serenity and eating delicious food.  

 a hot spring hotel