登機箱

明日一早就要出發到機場，參加在夏威夷的研討會。拿出衣櫃中的登機箱，準備將些衣物收拾入內。拉開箱子，一股香氣撲鼻而來。這是上個月到倫敦開會時，在當地商場買的香皂所遺留的氣味，沒想到會持續到現在。這個登機箱，買不到三年的時間，卻已經有些斑駁。我是拖著它，到不少城市開會或旅遊，然後又回到這裡，一個我所見過最糟糕的地方。

History Repeats Itself

History repeats, with short interval this time. When I open the door and my arms to her, she takes it for granted. One day she evaporated from my life without any word. I waited and asked three times. The first text message is “hello”; the second one is “long time no see. How are you doing?” and the last one is “Could you tell why?” No answer still.

Tradition in Modern

This was the first I visited Tokyo. Before I though Tokyo could be another New York City, packed with skyscrapers, people and cars. This visit proved I was wrong. 

Skytree, a tower more appealing to the young than Tokyo Tower.

Webpage

Today I saw a photo taken on main campus posted on NC State’s facebook page. The scene in that photo was leaves in green, red and yellow colors, so dynamic. I felt guilty for having not paid a visit on the university’s website for more than one month. While I was browsing what new souvenir is available in the bookstore, I received a message from the Suzhou girl asking when I can visit Suzhou.

“Maybe mid-January, but I am not in a good mood.” I wanted to avoid making any promise.

“Do you still care about the one who does not care about you? Christmas?” she asked.

“You are right. Maybe January 1^st.” I still wanted to skip any promise.

“Christmas is more romantic.” I thought I understand what she means. I should have told the Suzhou girl that Christmas is not a romantic day. I am in trouble because I could not resist her request and I want to date another girl recently.

This afternoon, I just sent an email to a student we just met yesterday to ask where I can have a good time in this shitty city. At the end of the meeting she said I can invite her to watch the movie. I had good impression on her in our first chat in my office so I would like to take advantage of this opportunity for forgetting my advisee. But I found I still had feeling on her.

On Monday, after class I met her in the coffee shop, the only real one in this city. She explained why she didn’t come to see me for over one month. Although she had lost my trust, my heart melted when looking at her. We told a lot regarding with her papers, my job, the plan for my future career and something I couldn’t remember.

“Are you still going to the conference in New York?” she asked.

“Yes, I will.” I said.

“Then my visa…”

“I will let the assistant to ask that for you.” I thought I was fooled again by her face and voice.

They said she is taking advantage of me, but I am not a righteous man either.

棋子

又是一個雨天。研究室的氣氛仍然如此沉悶。

他告訴我這件謠言。只是謠言，但對照這學期的情況，我選擇相信了。不能否認，有忌妒的成份，但更多的是不解與氣憤。

No Holiday

Today is so called "Holiday" for people in this country. To me, today is a weekday. I entered the office as usual, and didnít work much as usual. Around 8:30 pm I went back to the apartment. It was locked at 11:00 pm. People can't get in and go out, just like a jail. 

Tough Start

I had been returning to my works for a week. Today is the date of the first seminar. I was about 5 minutes late, but it took a while to catch up the topic. The slides projected on the screen were yellow, and the slides were not careful made, especially the tables with some words in strange shapes. Later we were informed this was a job market talk. Because this topic is not my field, I didn’t bother to any comment unless I was in the recruiting committee.

After the seminar, just like it used to be, with the guest we went to the on-campus hotel for a dinner. Although there were so many deluxe dishes, the tastes were never amazing. Each dish was either salty or spicy. I found most of my energy had run out while eating and listening to what they were talking. The dinner lasted two hours; however, I felt it was like lasting three hours or longer.

It was 8:30 pm when I came back to the office on old campus. I continued to find a way to extract a variable from a data file. I had spent a few hours today trying Stata and R. No solution found. Finally I came back to MatLab, the one I haven’t used for one year. Because of wasting so much time on the awful internet, it was 10:00 pm when I figured out the way and installed software necessary for running MatLab. Due to the lack of both intellectual and physical proficiency, this was the first time I thought I am getting old.

This was just the first week. It can be expected that there are more difficulties on the way. What else can I do other than praying?

Dreaming a Reality

The stay in Raleigh was memorable. In the morning I woke up, then prepared a simple breakfast, and drove to school. The routes were familiar. No miss in anywhere I should make a turn, stop, and change the lane. The work a day started in the study room, the library or the office. Occasionally, the time was flying away when I had a chat with friends. Sometimes we exchange ideas, sometimes just for fun. In a month I live like a student.

Talley Student Union, was called Talley Student Center

A Long-Awaited Reunion

The flight was delayed for five hours. When waiting for the aircraft being fixed, there was a flash moment in my brain telling me why I don't cancel the trip if applicable. Thankfully, I didn't do that and the airline wouldn't allow to give the refund. So I am here, in Raleigh.

The First Meal

Get caught between the East and the West

The trip to Chicago was quite disappointed. Everything is good in Chicago city except the never-ending cold wind and the traffic control due to the gun fight and car chasing. The problems were from me and my colleagues. I had no opinion about the schedule, and one of the colleagues had too many opinions. It was supposed to have an easy trip when someone else made the schedules. However, it was not easy if the schedules totally centered on the maker. For example, in an outlet I would get phone calls to ask me back as I was in a different store. I didn’t know visiting what stores were written in the schedules. This trip reconfirmed my viewpoint, to know a person travelling with him/her is a shortcut. This is also a good way to filter a potential partner. Now they know I am like a lonely wolf in the wild, and I know I won’t share a trip with someone in this group again. Before the trip ended, I had been imagining the trip to Raleigh this summer. No matter I am alone or accompanying with someone, the latter one must be much interesting.

Field Museum

Museum of Art

Museum of Science and Industry

Shedd Aquarium 

Hot or Cold, Red or White, Hell is Hell

Rinaldo had gone, in the Valentine’s Day. I was shocked. He texted me that his stomach hurt and felt depressed via Skype on Thursday afternoon. On Saturday we were informed that he passed away on Friday morning. There are too many that I’d like to know. However it is impossible to find the answers. What I can do now are to help his family close the loose ends here and think of those moments we share.

The so-called coffee shop between two banks outside the south gate was the first place he had dinner in this country.  Later it became the place where both of us have our late dinner. Its food sucks. We went there because it was the only restaurant open after 8:00 pm around old campus. I noticed he ate slowly and always skipped soup when having a fried rice combo. Most of the time, I had already had my dinner. I accompanied him because I understood how difficult was for a foreigner to live here. It might make him more comfortable for being together with another one like him.

I never thought I could go to a KTV for the first time in my life because of him. He himself wanted to see how the KTV looked like in this country, but he told Joyce that I wanted to see it. So she found one and I could not refuse the invitation.  Actually I was a little angry at him. To revenge, I called American students out for dinner in his name later. That night, together with Rhi and Emily, we had a wonderful moment. He sang very well; and I was like a dumb. That was really a joyful night.

His office was empty. Maybe it was because he was always absent and had not decorated it with small appliances and books. When he was present, he stayed long in it for a day. At night, his office was quite faint. There was only a desk light turning on. The heartbreaking letter I received said he was covered by loneliness and the fear a couple of days before he was taken. I can imagine his mental condition fell into a dark and void space that his office was not comparable.

The very last moment we shared is in the tailor’s shop. He had been looking for a tailor for a custom-made suit. Since a student found a tailor’s shop for him, we had visited it several times. I was the translator who interpreted his tons of requests to the tailor. He was very demanding. He bought a few yards of fair fabric from Kyrgyzstan, but wanted it to become a designer suit by less than $50 dollars of labor cost. He checked each detail to make sure it was as close as the one in the referenced photo. Until the last time I saw him, the suit had not been completed.

I reminded him don’t forget to claim his suit the night prior to my short trip to Hangzhou. By the West Lake, I wished him had a nice winter vacation and Christmas in his home country on the phone. This was the last time we talked.

I was envious that he was always popular with girls because of his handsome face and gentlemanly behavior. How could I foresee he pass away in front of his girlfriend on Feb 14^th? Now I have one more reason to dislike the Valentine’s Day.

Two Collapsing, One Shaking

I wrote this article to conclude my performance in 2013. If everything is smooth, I would be too happy to remember writing this article. The existence of this article shows that 2013 is not a satisfactory year. The first half 2013 was a good period of time so no need to emphasize it or I would fall into my daydreaming. The second half was a mess. It looks like a warning from the heaven that my life during the first half period was too fantastic.

Irreversible Fate?

Last time when I came here, the weather was a rainy day. It was not raining when I arrived. At the beginning, it was cloudy, similar to my feeling. My paper was just been rejected by a journal. This showed I have a long way to go. This strike would ruin this trip if I dealt with it wrong. Luckily, it is not hard to hide my sorrow because my unique personality makes me look sentimental.

I met her again. She is as cute as she was. The most fantastic change is that she seems more mature and prettier. She also shared some costs for meal, transportation, and entrance fee. Not easy for a pretty girl. It was my honor to have her accompany in this short trip. This was the first time I knew she likes to sleep away on the weekend. In the Buddhist temple, I knew she is a devout Buddhist. The next day, I guess I made a mistake by choosing a cold tourist spot. She hasn’t recovered from the cold caught a few days ago. No many tourists visiting there in such a cold rainy day. We left soon and went to have a dinner in downtown. Happy days always pass by soon.

West Lake

One of the largest Buddhist Temple I have ever seen.

Xixi Wetland

Silent Hill in China

I left  without reporting the absence, but people in this research group all knew where I came. They asked why I went to meet this girl and don’t try to pursue her. Indeed, I went to Hangzhou not just for its scenery. There are only three cities, i.e. Boston, Kyoto and New York where I’d like to visit for the second time. If it was not for this special girl, it is very likely I don’t bother to move any finger.

“The distance is a big problem” I said, “Prof. Dong said Hangzhou is a shitty city, but the city which we are working at is hell.” I am like a leave gone with the wind. Today I am in hell, and I don’t know where I will be tomorrow. This fate had been determined right after I decided to get a PhD in the US. Sad but irreversible?

Food is much tasty than food in hell.

Cheese Rice Cake

Rice Soup

Memoirs of My Life in North Carolina and NC State – Dining

2007 Fall  – 2008 Spring

 

In the first semester, I didn’t know what I can eat. There was a Food Lion within the walking distance from the apartment. I always buy frozen food and lettuce for dinner, and bread and milk for breakfast. In the university I grasped a cheese burger and fries in the Atrium food court. When I stayed in the library at night, I liked to join some Korean students to have dinner in Fountain Dining Hall, Waba or Charles’ Grilled Sub. Then I learnt there is a convenient dining option called meal plan. Across the Hillsborogh Street, there was a Chinese fast food restaurant. I didn’t understand why it was always packed with Chinese students in the lunch hour until I work in China. I lost several pounds in the first year.

 

 

 Continental breakfast warmed my heart

Low Present Value

Wednesday, Sept. 25^th, 2013

This was a frustrating afternoon. An idea which I had been thinking about for months back to the days when living in Mission Apartment didn’t work! I tried several DSGE setups and there were always problems. Then I found the main reason is either there is no clearing for a market or the issue I want to ask becomes trivial if I assign a new exogenous condition. I wrote an email to tell older Joe, my colleague and coworker in Japan, that I got stuck in the bottleneck.

A Letter to Philip

Hello, Philip,

      I believe you are about to packing your stuff. Unlike me, a child spoiled by my parents to enjoy life in the US, you might be happy to go home with your family and resume your job soon. I’d like to update my unique experience so far.

 

      Pace is quite slow in this town. Pedestrians seem have no business to do; students seem have no care of their studies. I have known some new colleagues and new friends. Some of them got degrees in the US, and the others are US undergraduates who teach English in the school of foreign languages. Perhaps I won’t forget English shortly.

 

      In the first week of class, I didn’t do much. I wrote and improved a small piece of a working paper. Then I manually transfer a chapter of the dissertation into a LaTex format for submission. It hasn’t been done. The main reason is my Italian colleague. He wants to enjoy nightlife and I sometimes have to go out with him. This guy is so Italian. We went to downtown and eat in restaurants at 4 nights consecutively. Because of him, I went to a KTV for the very first time in my life. He likes to hang out with girls, American and Chinese or anyone causes his interest. Even eating in a coffee shop, the young waitress wanted to exchange emails and phone numbers with him. Oh, my gosh.

 

Noodle soup in a famous restaurant. It tastes ok.

Fish hot pot, the most delicious food I ate in this town.

 

 

      And also because of him, I knew a colleague called Joyce. She is like us, new to this university and the town, but much younger than we are. Aside from her charming, we are also impressed by her English speaking and listening given she haven’t studied in the US. When it comes to the US...

 

I miss my simple and healthy life in the US so much. Soon you will, too.

Ted

First Experience

I came to work too early. I should have taken up the invitation and headed to Beijing first, or I should have stayed at hometown swallowing hamburgers until I would get sick of it. This place is beyond my imagination. I can read the characters, but I hardly understand what street people speak. Maybe they are talking in dialects or Mandarin with very different accents. It is very often I reply them based on the key words I hear. The streets are exotic. You can see brand cars, bizarre scooters and bicycles on the same road. There are lots of shops along the street in front of the university. What interesting is none of them is familiar to me. International food chains haven't expended their businesses to the inland town. Outside the university most people in the town look like countrymen or countrywomen.

Coffee and Movie

It had been one month since I came home. Next Monday the journey will begin. I understand it is depressed to leave a comfort zone. Previously it was in Raleigh, now it is in my hometown. One the other hand, I totally acknowledge without taking risk, how does one get the premium? Hometown, I don’t really know what it is; I’m just familiar with my home and its neighborhoods where includes a coffee shop, a bookstore, a bakery, a grocery stores, and a McDonald’s in which I visit every week. On this weekend, I’d like to stretch the neighborhoods farther. I'd like to go to  Costco, to see an English movie and have lunch in a Japanese Restaurant. Maybe I can regain a part of my memories left in Raleigh.

Memoirs of My Life in North Carolina and NC State - Housing

Preface

 

Yesterday I went to a university to meet a professor I have known for many years. I heard him talking about how creative his ideas are and promising his research is. At the same time, he showed his disproval of the most important chapter of my dissertation. He said it cannot be published because my advisor doesn’t give his name on the working paper for endorsement although he didn’t read it. Of course, I showed my respect and said nothing because there was Asia.

Before the New Journey Begins

I will stay at home for approximately one month before the new journey begins. The journey is expected to last at least for three years. The three-year period is very critical to my future career and life. So to prepare for it, I should wrap up some old businesses.